My first STD was from a foam party
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
