Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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