how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
