he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
