i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
