did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
