i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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