hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
