he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This baby is an asshole
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
