9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
