I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
