i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
