If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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