I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize