my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
