why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
