dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
