i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize