I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
