i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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