Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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