Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
