I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
