I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
