Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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