i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
