he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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