I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
