I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
