Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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