So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
