You made me cry and you don't even care
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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