I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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