I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
