If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
