I'm eating all of the evidence.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
