...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
