The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
should my penis look like a turkey
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
