Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
