I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
