i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
