Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
