so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
