Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
