I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
