Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
