True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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