Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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