I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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