wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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