I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
