I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
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