Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize