You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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