It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
