Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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