I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pants are for mortals
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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