I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
