For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
