I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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