my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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