don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
