I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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