I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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