Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
