i just google imaged poop.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
