Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize